Tag: Personal Growth

Personal Boundaries While Loving Others

On By Heart, Mind and Soul CareIn Boundaries and LoveLeave a comment

creating-healthy-boundaries

I have a lot of respect for Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend. Together they have written a large variety of books that have empowered people to be able to walk out the life God created for them in integrity as well as expressing the love of God through a healthy life.

Their recent article is very helpful. Wounded people wound people; so how do we know when we are walking in love or reacting to past soul wounds? Cloud & Townsend help to clarify the need to react in order to create a space where an individual may heal. However, this is not the place one must live; it is only a place in their journey where they should exist for a short time while they heal. As they heal, the must learn to respond, not react, out of a heart full of God’s love and grace.

Here is their article:
Matthew 5:38 – 42: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.”

Many of us have known people who, after years of being passive and compliant, suddenly stop acting like a victim. This reactive phase of boundary creation is a first step to get a person out of the powerless, victimized place in which they may have been forced by physical or sexual abuse, or by emotional blackmail or manipulation. We are happy that they are no longer victims. But when is enough reacting enough?

Reaction phases are not the same as maturity; they are necessary but not sufficient for the establishment of boundaries. Even though in finding our boundaries, we might find ourselves reacting. Eventually, we establish connections as respectful equals. This is the beginning of establishing proactive, instead of reactive, boundaries.

In Matthew 5:38–39, Jesus compared reactive persons to those who are freely and proactively setting their own boundaries. Through his teaching, we see that power is not something we demand or deserve; it is something we express. How does withholding a counterstrike after we’ve been harmed show our power? The ultimate expression of power is love. Proactive people are able to love their neighbors as themselves (see Mark 12:31) and respect others (see 1 Peter 2:17). They are able to die to self (see 1 Peter 2:24) and not repay evil for evil (see Romans 12:17). They have gotten past the reactive stance of the law — “eye for eye, and tooth for tooth” — and are able to love rather than react.

When we truly have the power of self-control, another person’s evil does not mean that we “have to” get revenge. We are free to do something more redemptive and more constructive. In that way, we have power to turn bad situations into good ones and not be dragged down into the mire of bad behavior.

May God’s healing love and grace overflow in your life to others.

Motivation For Personal Growth

On By Heart, Mind and Soul CareIn Personal GrowthLeave a comment

growth

As I was reading through some articles others have written this morning, I came across one that deals with the feeling of personal stagnation. Most leaders, at some point, feel stuck at various levels.

Perhaps one feels stuck in their personal gift mix and strengths, and the challenges they face are greater than their ability to face them. Others feel caught in a cycle of negative emotions. Still others feel the best God has for them is what God had for them in the past; they daydream of experiences with God and wish for a personal renewal, perhaps even revival.

The opportunities for personal growth are varied and endless. This particular article listed four ways to keep growing. I felt they were encouraging, and offered hope.

• Define what success really means to you. To sustain success, you have to be clear about your personal definition of that word. What elements of your current success—the big job, the beautiful house, the family—are essential to your definition of success? What’s missing? What’s optional? What do you want to see when you look back at 50? Paint a picture of the future and create a clear, long-term vision.

• Identify your values. To understand what will make you happy in the long run, you have to be clear about your values. Knowing your values also helps when you reach crossroad choice points, because you can choose what matters most to you. So—what is most important to you about your beautiful house? Is it the prestige of the address or is it the spaciousness it affords you and your family? How about your big job? Is it that you get to be challenged and leverage your strengths or is it that you have status and power? Values can shift as you move into new periods of your life, so it is a good idea to re-examine them regularly.

• Focus on personal sustainability. Next you will want to get serious about how you sustain your own health and well being – literally, your personal sustainability. The concept of life/work balance can seem like just another goal you are failing at. But you need to make sure you hold up over the long haul. Investing time in taking care of yourself will help ensure that no matter what happens, you will be healthy and clear-minded enough to make the best choices for yourself and the people you care about. Decide what your standards are for self care and stick to them tenaciously.

• Never compare.As your toddler gets to be school age, you will be rubbing elbows with other moms and have the experience of being judged and found wanting by what I have come to refer to as the Mommy Police. And as harsh as the Mommy Police may be, they won’t hold a candle to the way you judge yourself. At the same time, at work, you will feel the competitive pressure of young whippersnappers just like yourself who can put in the hours without feeling the Mommy guilt. Notice whatever impulse you have to compare yourself to others – any others, ever – and immediately counter it with a mantra that goes something like: “I am paying attention to what is most important to me and what other people are doing is not relevant right now.” Also helpful is Judy Ford’s “your opinion of me is none of my business.” Decide whose opinion actually does matter and listen to only those people. Decide what your priorities are, based